Saturday, 29 November 2014

Crying

If anyone out there besides my husband and my mum reads my blog, then they/you may have noticed I haven't posted anything since Wednesday. That's mainly because on Wednesday we made some important decisions - and we've had a hard few days sticking to them.

Before I get to that let me give you the catalyst: 

If you do follow me on twitter or read my blog you will know that we, very successfully, follow the CLB routine (I blogged about it here). Discovering the routine, establishing it and sticking to it has been life changing for us. It has given us our life back. We have had time for each other as a couple, we've been able to have all important time to ourselves in the evening and it brought the night time wake ups down to a maximum of one - sometimes none! It really had changed our lives as new parents.

But - when Jake had colic (and we hadn't realised that's what it was for a while) we gave him a dummy. In fact, we pretty much forced it on him. We were desperate for him to settle, be quiet and sleep. From then on, we gave him his dummy all of the time because we assumed that he wanted it.

All of this was fine until recently -
when Jake started waking up again in the evenings. He wasn't hungry. He hadn't soiled his nappy. He wasn't too hot or too cold. We were baffled. Then we noticed it started happening during his day time naps - he would wake up from them. But why? The only thing that had happened was that he'd spat his dummy out. 

Oh. Wait. His dummy. Right.

Jake had gotten into one of the very common bad sleep associations - he was dependent on his dummy to sleep.

So, as I explained at the start, we made some important decisions and we've been desperately trying to stick to them. 

1) From Wednesday bed time, Jake was NOT having his dummy anymore, and
2) from Wednesday bed time, Jake was going to self settle and we would use the 'Crying Down Method' to achieve this. 

COLD TURKEY.

Let me tell you this has been extremely hard. At every nap time and bed time, Jake has cried and cried and cried for his dummy. The urge to pick him up, to talk to him and to just plain old give in has been almost unbearable. 

I have cried myself, numerous times feeling as though I am a terrible mother (I'm sure some of you are going to tell me I am) and that I am a failure. It is heartbreaking. It is clear that many people (family included) don't agree with what we're doing. It has been horrible, and I have been in tears watching him on the monitor (even though he's only been crying for 3 minutes!). My hubby has been a wonderful support.

Why are we still doing it? Because it is actually working. Although Jake is crying when put down to nap or sleep, he CAN self settle now and he does. The crying has become less intense and for less time. When he does sleep - he sleeps! There's none of this waking up regularly because the dummy is out. Also - we've had a 7pm through to 7am night now, because he was able to cope without the dummy. It wasn't falling out and waking him up. Relief! Success! Pride!

It is still hard. I still feel awful when I listen to Jake crying - my instinct is to run and pick him up. But, maybe that's part of the problem? Maybe my hubby and I are causing him to be dependent on everything but himself to sleep? 

Either way, we are sticking to it and being consistent. When you've eliminated all possible causes of the crying, i.e. wind, nappy, hunger - then the crying down is next. Here are some basic rules of the method:




















Have you ever used the crying method? What are your thoughts?

Yours,


9 comments:

  1. We did similar method tho didn't know it had a name lol. It worked and now m sleeps 14 plus hours a night. If it works keep with it.

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    1. Wow! That IS success! Thank you - we will keep persevering x

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    2. I need to do this! I tried and gave up at 3:45am but I need to stick with this as my 17 week old is doing the exact same thing so I'm ready! I realize some crying is going to happen--- can you give a bit more detail on how/what you did? Just took it away & let him cry til he fell asleep? Because my other predicament is that I put her down asleep , not drowsy. Do I make both changes at once? Helppp !

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    3. Hey Mommy_Dearest - I'm not an expert but here's what we did:
      We went cold Turkey. There and then we took the dummy away and put him down sleepy but not asleep. We allowed him to cry for 10 minutes. Went in and reassured (no picking up). Did another 10 minutes and repeated until he went to sleep.
      We did this every time from then onwards.

      During the day at his lunch time nap (the longest one) I would try to take him out in the pram so that he would sleep - but still without the dummy (otherwise you run the risk of them getting overtired). Now, I don't need to do this.

      We have now had 8 nights of 12 hours sleep and no dummy for 9 days. It has worked - but it has been tough.

      Now - he cries for a few minutes if at all once put down sleepy. That is the key - make sure they are ready for sleep. I'm happy to help so just message any time. xx

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  2. Thanks! How's he doing now without his dummy and with his sleeping (schedule and duration) during leap 4?

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    1. Hi - the dummy is long forgotten now and thrown away! He's not had since and we've not thought about it

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    2. As for the sleeping and routine with leap 4 he is still sleeping through the night but sleeping less in the day at the moment - only having about 1.5 hours all day before 6:30 bed time. The leap and teething are upsetting him :-(

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  3. I keep wanting to try the no dummy thing again but keep reading that it's good to give for SIDS protection so I don't know what to do! I'm thinking of eliminating it for nighttime only and seeing how it goes. She likes her hand and is working on getting her thumb in her mouth but then I swaddle her or put her in a sleeping sack that keeps her hands covered so then she can't use them for comfort.., what did he replace the dummy's comfort with?
    Because they're too young for a lovey still I think

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    1. Hi - yes I know about the help with SIDS and it is a conundrum but there are many babies who are never given a dummy to begin with. Jake has completely forgotten his dummy and is happy to suck his fist now - it beats before when we had a screaming baby EVERY TIME he spat the dummy out!xx

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