Thursday, 13 August 2015

8 Things That Scare Me Now I Am A Parent

Becoming a parent has meant that I have discovered (or perhaps developed) a whole new range of fears that creep up on my subconscious and terrorise it when I lest expect it. Am I the only one this happens to? When watching TV or films, or reading books - my empathy levels are through the roof as I often find myself - uncontrollably - thinking 'what if that were J?'. 

The dictionary definition of fear is: "a distressing emotion aroused by impending danger, evil, pain, etc.,whether the threat is real or imagined; the feeling or condition of being afraid. Something that causes feelings of dread or apprehension; something person is afraid of".

My fear of actually being paralysed by fear aside, here are the things that scare me now I am a parent:

1. Illness - I am terrified that J might one day be really, really ill. I get so upset for other parents and children when this happens that I worry about how I'd cope if it happens to us. I admire those of you who have battled through this. But, I am also scared of being really ill myself and not being able to be a proper mum to J. 

2. Big Spiders - OK so I have always been scared of spiders bigger than a 50 pence piece - but now I am terrified that they might crawl on Jake and scare him.  Eurgh! Plus - this means I'd have to get it off him! Double Eurgh!

3. Cars - J isn't walking yet but now I am a parent I am so scared of how fast some cars go. We had two children hit by cars at the school I taught in this year and I myself was hit by a car as a child. It can be deadly, life changing and is a horrible experience.

4. Time - it goes too quickly that I'm scared I will wake up one day and think 'what happened to my life?' Or 'How is my son 30 years old already?'. I think this new fear of time is a lot to do with the fact that I am turning 30 on Monday 17th...

5. Food - as a fat mummy I worry about what and how much I feed J because I don't want him to be fat like me. He is and has always been chunky - he has a large appetite himself and was a hungry baby so I don't want to add to that and make it worse for him. Daddy and I are determined to ensure that he remains active physically - which he certainly is at the moment!

6. That we won't have anything in common - what if he doesn't like me? What if we will have nothing in common as he gets older? I can't stand the thought of him not wanting to talk to me or me be a part of his life.

7. Intelligence - my fear of J not being very bright is because I am a secondary English school teacher who sees how hard education is and how hard life is for those children who aren't very able academically. I hope that J isn't going to be one of them only because I hate to think of him having to struggle. 

8. Strangers - Now that I am a parent this is one of the things that really scare me; stranger danger. Did any of you watch The Missing on BBC? Well - that thoroughly spooked me and even the hubby said it makes him think twice about taking J abroad! Losing your child like that and never 'knowing' is just awful.

As you can see, I have 8 real things that scare me now I am a parent - things that I wouldn't really have given a second thought before having my own child. It's funny how having a baby changes your outlook on life and the way you see the world. Hopefully we'll all be fine and dandy though :)



What things scare you as a parent?

3 comments:

  1. Resentment. When my 2 are older will at one point they will resent me? Its one thing I really don't want to happen but I know at some point in a child's life they will resent a parent for anything, we all do x

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    1. Gosh yes. That's definitely one to not look forward to :( x

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  2. We internalise so differently as parents, don't we. I do try to keep the fears at bay; life is often so full on and this actuall helps with starving the fears ... there isn't time for them :-)

    Even then, fast moving cars are a nightmare when walking with my little on on pavements. I find myself hoping against all hope that all is well and will be well. Stranger danger is a really horrible one, isn't it. And I can't get my head around how quickly they grow ... time, hey! #CommentLuv

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