The dictionary definition of fear is: " of".
My fear of actually being paralysed by fear aside, here are the things that scare me now I am a parent:
1. Illness - I am terrified that J might one day be really, really ill. I get so upset for other parents and children when this happens that I worry about how I'd cope if it happens to us. I admire those of you who have battled through this. But, I am also scared of being really ill myself and not being able to be a proper mum to J.
2. Big Spiders - OK so I have always been scared of spiders bigger than a 50 pence piece - but now I am terrified that they might crawl on Jake and scare him. Eurgh! Plus - this means I'd have to get it off him! Double Eurgh!
3. Cars - J isn't walking yet but now I am a parent I am so scared of how fast some cars go. We had two children hit by cars at the school I taught in this year and I myself was hit by a car as a child. It can be deadly, life changing and is a horrible experience.
4. Time - it goes too quickly that I'm scared I will wake up one day and think 'what happened to my life?' Or 'How is my son 30 years old already?'. I think this new fear of time is a lot to do with the fact that I am turning 30 on Monday 17th...
5. Food - as a fat mummy I worry about what and how much I feed J because I don't want him to be fat like me. He is and has always been chunky - he has a large appetite himself and was a hungry baby so I don't want to add to that and make it worse for him. Daddy and I are determined to ensure that he remains active physically - which he certainly is at the moment!
6. That we won't have anything in common - what if he doesn't like me? What if we will have nothing in common as he gets older? I can't stand the thought of him not wanting to talk to me or me be a part of his life.
7. Intelligence - my fear of J not being very bright is because I am a secondary English school teacher who sees how hard education is and how hard life is for those children who aren't very able academically. I hope that J isn't going to be one of them only because I hate to think of him having to struggle.
8. Strangers - Now that I am a parent this is one of the things that really scare me; stranger danger. Did any of you watch The Missing on BBC? Well - that thoroughly spooked me and even the hubby said it makes him think twice about taking J abroad! Losing your child like that and never 'knowing' is just awful.
As you can see, I have 8 real things that scare me now I am a parent - things that I wouldn't really have given a second thought before having my own child. It's funny how having a baby changes your outlook on life and the way you see the world. Hopefully we'll all be fine and dandy though :)
What things scare you as a parent?